December 17, 2011
All hail the 21st century advert (mp3)
In 1999 I wrote a poem with no name. It was about what happens after the dust has settled at the end of the end of days, and things start to grow again. Interestingly enough, at the time, I did not believe in the end of days, angels, God, soul or spirit, and I thought the world was a great big ghetto full of pain and disappointment. In fact, in a world that was so full of pain, it seemed most likely to me that God did not exist.
Over the next 8 years I journeyed through the end of my teens, and into my twenties, believing that, at some point, I would suddenly become an adult. While I waited for this to happen, I bumbled from job to job, experimented with the regular consumption of various drugs and alcohol, and I tried to explore my sexual desires without actually having any sex: this meant becoming addicted to porn.
By the time I was 24, I found that I was working in a call centre, smoking pot every day, taking mind altering drugs most weekends, falling in love with beautiful people who were not interested in reciprocating my love, getting deeper and deeper into debt and, in many ways, wilfully exploring the darker end of the experiential spectrum of life. And when things couldn’t get any worse, they always did.
Eventually, something happened and I started to realise that everything that was happening to me was a result of what I was putting out into the Universe, and that if I wanted the script of my life to be changed, I was going to have to re-write it myself. I also experienced a series of miracles that provided me with unarguable proof that I was not alone in the Universe, and that a profoundly benevolent force was willing to guide me if I was willing to be guided. As an atheist I came up with a lot of different explanations for this. God was not one of them.
Very slowly, I started to climb back up the ladder of self-esteem and eventually I realised that the world was not worthless, but a profoundly beautiful place, and that out of the pain comes insight. Out of the dark, comes the desire for light.
This series documents that journey and the illustrations that support the poems, are truly remarkable (thank you Adam Oehlers). It has taken a long time to get to this stage, and it was well worth the wait. I hope you will support me by buying the culmination of this project, as a beautiful A5 hardback, fully illustrated, and with an audio CD for your listening pleasure. It has taken 12 years to get here, and I’m thrilled I can finally share it.
November 1, 2011
I have been working almost non-stop for the last 2 days, on a high of life and fashioning out an idea that came to me quite suddently the day before yesterday…
This sereies is a trilogy of poems, and explores the natrue of what ‘God’ really is, what pain is for, and where the weapons of mass destruction can be found in the world.
God vs. Weapons of mass destruction chapter 1: God is shit and sugar (mp3)
God vs. Weapons of mass destruction chapter 2: the gift of pain (mp3)
God vs. Weapons of mass destruction chapter 3: disarming the weapons of mass destruction (mp3)
October 28, 2011
Someone I know called Rex Denial got caught on camera earlier this year recounting a story about how his best mate’s wife seduced him by the swimming pool one evening after football practice… before you watch, please bare in mind that Rex describes himself as a porn poet, and that his material is not for the faint hearted!
What a dirty boy.
Lots of love,
2:57am: I should really go to bed….
But I foudn this on break.com and it’s really funny, really happy, and the funniest is all the people in the background who want to get involved.
October 27, 2011
This is a video that has been around for a while, but it still startles me that not EVERYONE in the world has seen it… again, it fills me with joy and is one of the reminders that we need regularly to restore or faith in human beings and in the dynamic nature of the human soul, which often only steps into its true power in times of adversity.
I hope you enjoy it…
October 25, 2011
I found this on youtube several months ago and it continues to make me cry every time I watch it. Am I soppy or is it a truly inspiring video clip? I hope it fills your day with as much joy as mine.
October 24, 2011
Yesterday was rather exciting: I went to a trampoline centre in Uckfiend, where the 12th birthday of a girl called Niamh (Neve) was being hosted by her parents. I performed for an hour and chatted with the kids about poems, big hair, feet biting, paper aeroplanes and being bored…
It was a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon and here are the audio bites to show how much fun we had. Who ever said children don’t like poetry?!
Sitting in a pub garden in Uckfield having some thoughts before I went to Fun Abounds trampoline centre.
First engagement with the children – getting them vibed up for poetry with interactivity…
After some negotiation it appeared that the boys, and even some of the girls, were more keen on the idea of a scary poem than a soppy one:
When it turned out that The Dribble man was more funnier than scary for most of the children than scary (apart from the one who’s pizza I defiled), it was decided that we ought to delve a little deeper into the dark recesses of the imagination for something truly terrifying…
It was at this point I realised that short of putting these children into trauma by recreating the torture scenes in the film ‘Saw’ in rhyme, that there was NO way I was going to terrify them as they wanted me to… So I decided to give up the ghost, so to speak, and go back to the more preferable message of cosmic love, unity and peace, but still with a high level of interactive requirement and noise making from the children in order to get the poem going:
Due to a miss-boo, I forgot to record Dave Solo – so if you’d like to hear the poem, here is a pre-recorded studio quality version, sans the noise of children throwing paper aeroplanes and quietly passing wind in an attempt to make me pass out during the performance….
And, of course, we couldn’t have one for the boys without also having one for the girls…
We ended with Ally Wangle and the Humpergees, and a special thanks to Mark Rock, the creator of AudioBoo, for making this splendid live performance documentation possible.
There was a final secret poem, a special birthday poem I wrote for Niamh, which I recited without recording as it was a gift for her. It seemed that she very much like the poem, and was very pleased to take a copy away with her, hand written and signed, of course. All in all, it seemed like a thoroughly good party.
October 20, 2011
More and more, it seems, the only thing that changes is my perception of reality. Ironically, the effect of this is that reality itself appears different when I view it from different perception. So from my point of view, it feels like I’m re-writing reality and scripting my world experience rather than being a victim of my world experience, scripted by someone else.
My granny died recently. She was old, and she had dementia so couldn’t remember much of much. Her quality of life had gone some time before, and by the end, she had stopped eating and drinking because she had had enough and wanted to die. I won’t miss the old lady who couldn’t remember much of much. She was sweet in her way but I didn’t really know her. I will miss my granny. I hadn’t seen her for several years. She was replaced by the other old lady almost overnight…. and there was no time for grief. Technically no one had died… my granny had just turned into an old lady with dementia, getting old and forgetting her relatives. How can you grieve for someone who hasn’t died? Who hasn’t even gone away?
I spoke at the funeral. I’d written a poem, the lady garden, almost a year before her death, about my perception of what her final moments might be like. It was meant for the funeral. It was true to my granny’s character, and the words climbed into the heart space of everyone in the room, I think – it was a moment of beauty that I will always be grateful to have been part of. I have rarely felt such strong waves of gratitude before or since.
I miss my granny every day, and am starting to understand that grief is a curious and unpredictable beast. You can guess how you’ll react. You can even try to plan it, but the truth is that it will happen the way it happens, and one must just do one’s best to rise into the fullness of the experience, rather than to sink into its emptiness – and it is on this point that I’m starting to understand how perception shapes reality: rising into the fullness vs. sinking into the emptiness – the experience is still the experience, either way. So meeting life isn’t so much about the experiences one has. It’s much more about the way one approaches them.
My Dad just got diagnosed with something small and hopefully minor, but he has to have a kidney removed under general anaesthetic. He will potentially have to have some time off work, and the experience is going to change his life. I had a conversation with him on the phone this afternoon. I showed him a new piece I’ve made for YouTube, The zero point field, and he thought it was beautiful.
He told me about some of the things that have happened to him this week as he tries to tie up work based loose ends before his operation next week… and one of the stories was so beautiful, it made me almost cry, realising how much I love him. It’s a wonderful thing when a man is able to remember how much he loves his Dad. It’s even more beautiful when he is able to express it without rush or fuss, or because it’s Father’s day or Christmas day or the old man’s birthday… I experience it as a gift to be able to tell my Dad I love him, just because I do. I think he is one of the most wonderful men I know – I remember so well how it was when I hated him. I thought it would always be that way and didn’t realise that as I grew up and started loving myself as a man, that I would stop making him wrong for all the misktakes I believed him to have made when I was a child. We have come on such a long journey, he and I. I wrote a poem about it for his last birthday. I think he really liked it. It was called The wizard’s child.
Things with my boyfriend are going so well. I’ve never got this far in a relationship before. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever been with anyone before who I am finding more attractive as the days go by in the same way that they are finding me more attractive as the days go by. We’re both in a position in our lives where we are ready to be humble in the face of our own demons, and stop trying to fight them. I can’t speak for anyone else, but when I try to fight my demons, this anti-flow behaviour always manifests in my blaming my boyfriend for something I am convinced he has done to me. The truth is always the same. He doesn’t do anything to me, only to himself. And I am the same. And the more we see this, the more we flow in understanding, and the less we jar in misunderstanding.
The other day I wanted to shout at him for something he was doing that made me so angry that my face got all hot. But I didn’t shout. I just breathed the energy down and imagined some of it leaving me through my feet, into the Earth, and I asked him what he was doing. He explained to me what he was doing. He did not do it defensively (which he usually would) because I was not attaching him (which I usually would) and in his explanation, I realised that he was not making me wrong for anything, he wasn’t taking anything away from me, nor was he experiencing me in an unpleasant way. It was an epiphany moment actually - not the biggest I’ve ever had, but size really isn’t the issue with an epiphany! All the anger and all the hot faced rage, was gone, and it didn’t leave slowly – it just… wasn’t there anymore, because in my epiphany I moved in an instant from one perception to another, and left all the emotional programming and bad temper in an alternative perception (reality/old way of thinking)… that no longer serves me.
I’m sure it won’t all be plain sailing, but it feels good to me to know that in the face of such a hectic time, I am feeling almost overwhelmed with a sense of wellbeing and gratitude for (as Kevin Spacey said as his closing statement in the film, American beauty) ‘every single moment of my stupid little life’
“I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me… but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst… And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life…”
October 15, 2011
This is a completely purile video, but it makes me laugh every time I watch it… it has brought joy to my day several times, so I hope it may bring some to yours. For me, it’s always important to have something light and rediculous to balance against all the serious issues going on in the day to day world, and this video is about as rediculous as it gets.
ps. The clip doesn’t embed so let the player window redirect you to youtube…
October 14, 2011
I always liked Jim Carey, but sometimes I found him hard to take because he was always playing the joker. Then he starred in The Truman Show… this was a surprise, and although he still relied (a little) on his comedy smile and slapstick approach, he showed a serious, sensitive side that I had not seen before. This was further revealed when he picked up the lead role in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, a film of pure genius… and more recently, he appeared on Eckhart Tolle TV talking in a way that filled me with nothing but joy…
It’s a short clip and will (if you’re anything like me) lift your spirit and remind you of the joy of being a human being, even if only for a few minutes. It says in the movie label that this interview is based on an experience Jim had with DMT but this is speculation, not fact.
I hope you have an uplifting day,